Boundaries are an imaginary line of protection that you draw around you. This is done to protect you, your soul and what’s important to you. Your boundaries are more important to you than they might be to others, or what others might want what you have. You cannot grow without boundaries.
However, you can learn how to design, implement and manage boundaries so that the process is effortless for you and for others. Healthy people have set boundaries, both to protect from and to attract certain people.
Boundaries are about what others CANNOT do to you or around you. Boundaries are about other’s actions. If it has to do with YOU, it’s called a Standard, which is another personal growth aspect. If it has to do with something that another MUST do to or for you, this is called a Requirement and has to do with your needs getting met. It is helpful to understand the difference between these three. Just remember, that boundaries are what you establish to STOP people from doing certain things to or around you.
When A Person Has Healthy Boundaries this is what happenss:
You rarely respond from Fear because it diminishes significantly and so trust is rarely an issue. You have more willing, healthy family members and true friends respect you more. They start growing more emotionally and developmentally because you only expect the best from them and they start to expect the same from others also.
What Happens When One’s Boundaries Are Weak?
They attract needy, disrespectful people into their lives and this causes so much waste of energy to deal with this and to just keeping life going.
Better that you establish bigger Boundaries than you actually need. How do you do that?
1. Decide what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in other people.
2. Know what you will do if someone exhibits unacceptable behavior to you
(ask, warn then leave).
3. Do it, regardless of the consequence (or you suffer more).
Benefits of Having Extensive Boundaries
1. You will attract people who have a similar respect for themselves.
2. You will have more room in which to grow because you are not being drained or violated.
3. Your standards have room to rise.
4. You will eliminate fear.
So when someone crosses the line of a boundary take them to task, lovingly at first, directly and firmly the second strike; then follow thru with your promise to cut them out of your life if they continue. If you bluff, it will not work, it may in fact backfire. Do it, this is important other wise this saying will become your reality: “The things and people that we tolerate in life are things and people we have in our lives.”
Yours in Real Life,
docMIKE
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